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As a parent, you work very hard to earn a living and support your family. You would also love to be able to buy your child what they need and a few extras, making their lives not only comfortable, but sometimes fun.
However, when your child constantly wants bigger, better and more expensive toys, clothes or electronic equipment, it can be a real problem. Here are a few strategies, which will help you handle your child’s demands without damaging her self-esteem or your bank balance:
Determine your budget
To be able to cope with your child’s growing financial demands, you need to sort out your financial health first. You need to have a working budget, with a clear indication of where your income is allocated. So when your child asks for clothes, you will be able to look at your clothing budget and decide, is this within my budget? If she wants a toy, it comes from the family entertainment budget, and the major question then becomes, is my child receiving his normal allocation within the budget? It’s very important that your budget allocations be done right from the beginning or you will find yourself buying electronic equipment with money which should have been done to service your car.
Teach your children that no means no
If you don’t want to spend the next ten years listening to the word ‘please’ with annoying regularity, set up the ground rules right from the beginning. When your toddler asks for something, make the decision about whether you are prepared to grant the wish or not. Should you decide that you couldn’t possibly do it, say so and be very firm about it. Prevaricating sets a precedent, and if your child learns from early on that you can be persuaded to change your mind, then she continuously try to do so, which in turn will be very annoying.
Answers like ‘maybe someday’ or ‘we’ll see’ will also lead to refused requests being mentioned again and again, creating a situation where you sometimes say yes just to shut your child up. However, a flat no can create resentment, as your child does not understand what your yardstick is. So explain to your child why she cannot have the toy she wants.
Teach your child about budgeting
When your child asks for something, ask yourself; ‘can we afford this?’ If the answer is yes, the next question is, ‘is this something that I would like to buy for my child?’ The first question determines whether the item your child wants is something within your means and will therefore not cripple you financially.
It's very important that your child learns from an early age that you will all live within as specified budget, and that many of the items come after the mortgage, car and health insurance have been paid. If what she wants is a toy, it comes from the entertainment budget, and that amount allocated to entertainment is for the whole family, not just her.
One of the issues, which can make coping with this difficult, is when your major investment is your home and your children’s education, with little money left over for extras. In cases like that, you’d find that your neighbors are more affluent, and have more disposable income. At school, your child’s school mates would also have more disposable income, making your child feel that she doesn’t fit in with the people whom, in her mind, she should. Using your income to live in a nicer area is a wonderful thing to do, but it’s very important that you make sure that your children understand this, so that they do not try to keep with people they cannot match in material property.
Teach your child to take responsibility for their income
By the time your child is in her teens, she should be able to get a job for Saturdays and school holidays, and earn some pocket money. Earning even a small amount of money teaches your child about how hard people have to work for their income, the need to prioritize what you need and want, and what the consequences are for wasting the money. She will learn that if she wants something over and above what her allowance covers, she has to earn it.
Show your love in other ways
It has become traditional that we give people we love and care for gifts to show that love. However, this can get out of control if your child starts demanding the gifts, and viewing your refusal to give them to her as a lack of love. It is therefore important that while you teach your child about money-management, you constantly show your child that you love and care for her. You can do this by spending time with her, listening to her, planning inexpensive outings and giving her gifts that have no financial value. Reinforce in your child’s mind that that there are other ways to gain love and acceptance.
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